If You Give a Mouse a Cookie...

I’m in a funk today, so I am going to brain dump here…

I haven’t been running for two days. I have been extremely fatigued lately and I’m not sure why—there’s a myriad of possible reasons, but for the moment, it will remain a mystery.

I set an alarm to wake up early and get out for a long run this morning. My alarm went off, and I was too tired to get up. I decided that it would be okay to sleep a little longer and go a little later. Unexpectedly, however, my husband was up and showering a little after six. I found out that he is finally feeling better after his chemo treatment on Thursday and had decided to go to football camp. He said that he would be back around 11.

This completely derailed me. I know it shouldn’t have, but it did. My plan for the morning was to get up and run, then come home and shower and try to be productive. My expectations for the day had to change, I did not adjust well. That meant that I would have to run after 11, not first thing. Which means that I would need to shower later in the day. Which means that I am not showering in the morning, which makes me feel like I can’t start my day.

I decide it’s okay to have a slow morning, I drink coffee and pray, read, and journal. When I am reading, I remember that there is a blog post I need to work on that has been in my mind since early June. When I originally began writing it, however, I realized I needed to expand on it somehow to make it longer and more interesting. I need to do a little research on the subject. I also think that I need to study more on how to improve my writing. I read a little on that, then get distracted looking around at my room. There is a mug with random junk in it sitting on my piano, which reminds me that I do not play it near enough. The bottom half of my bar cart sitting directly across from is not aesthetic. Above that, I can see that several of the art pieces hanging on my wall are now crooked. The kids got games out yesterday and left them on the floor. There is a mountain of laundry to be folded on the couch to my right. Not only does it need to be folded, but it needs to be put away. In order to put it away, I need to make space for it in my drawers. My drawers are full of clothes that I’m not really wearing anymore, but I’m not ready to get rid of. Instead of folding the laundry, I just start another load of laundry.

I get discouraged and scroll through my phone for a bit.

I go into the kitchen and pour more coffee. I drink my coffee out in the sun and look at all the weeds, the pots full of dead plants from last summer, the junk that needs to be thrown out. I water the plants that I am trying to grow and feel a little better about myself but make note that I need to get more seeds because the beds are a little sparse. I also need to get the patio umbrella out of the garage and pick up some more potting soil.

I go back into the kitchen and look around at the dishwasher that needs to be unloaded and the sink full of dirty dishes. I pour more coffee. My children are busying themselves with modeling clay creations, but doing it on the coffee table covered in toys and random garbage and food crumbs. I move them to the dining room table and clean off the coffee table. I look around at the mess everywhere and think that I need a storage cabinet in place of the console table so that I can store their creative supplies more accessibly. I start looking on Ikea for something. Then Amazon. Then I think, maybe I can find something cheaper on Facebook Marketplace. Then I end up back on Instagram.

At some point during this cycle, I made my children breakfast. I tell myself I need to switch from coffee to water so that I’m hydrated when I finally do get to go on my run. I think to myself that I need to go get the boys clothes and help them get dressed. I need to get myself dressed for my run so that when my husband comes home I am ready to go. Instead I decide to sit down and write this out.

I call this whole process “If you give a mouse a cookie…” I cannot seem to focus on one thing and get it done. One thought leads to another. One action leads to another. It seems that in this day in age, everyone is quick to put a label on things. Maybe I can’t focus and finish one thing because I have ADHD. Maybe I can’t move on from what my expectation was for the day because I have autism. No. I do not have either of those things. The reality is, that I cannot focus because I am overstimulated. I have too much stuff in my house and I cannot keep up with it all. I have too much information going into my brain and I need to slow it down and filter so much out. Instead of trying to read 5 books at a time and rotate through them, I should probably just focus on finishing one. I should leave my phone plugged in on the kitchen counter. I should disconnect from technology and get out on a hike where there is no cell service! This reminds me that I want to go hiking more, and try backpacking, and oh yeah I need to sign up for that trail run race in August and I need to get back out and train for it! And I’m off on a tangent again.

This brings me back to my previous blog post—I cannot do all of these things right now, so what is one thing that I can do right now? Just one thing! Well, I just heard the signal go off that the washing machine is finished, so I guess the one thing I’m going to do right now is go rotate the laundry!

What are you needing to do, wanting to do, or hoping to do today?

What is one thing that you can do right now?

Where I sit as I write this post... In my own little corner in my own little room, where I imagine I can be whatever I want to be... surrounded by piles of books and, currently, a basket of art supplies. 

Happy Monday... Love, Barbie